On Thursday, March 26, at 7:45 p.m., Benedictine College hosted Vocation Director Fr. Nathan Ford from St. John Cantius Catholic Church for a talk on healthy relationships, friendships, situationships and everything in between. The event took place in Westerman Auditorium.
Fr. Ford opened by describing the three major crises that happen in a person’s life.
Between ages 60 and 90, people confront a crisis of legacy: What will I be remembered for? Did I make an impact in this world? Am I ready for death?
From ages 30 to 60, many experience a crisis of meaning and purpose: What is my purpose? Do I have meaning? Am I fulfilled?
But the first crisis begins from birth until around age 30. This is a crisis of identity: Who am I?
“Our identity is essential in examining our relationships,” Fr. Ford said. “For without it, we cannot relate to anyone or anything.”
Identity, he explained, is formed through relationships, beginning with our parents. At birth, a baby’s identity is one and the same with their mother. Her flesh, her body, her life.
The father is the first person to give a baby their individual identity. He becomes the first person who is separate from the child. However the father looks at the child, either with love or disdain, begins to shape the child’s sense of identity.
In the same way, Fr. Ford said, God the Father gives each person their true identity and purpose.
“We’re created in this human flesh, but He’s the one that gives us our true meaning, purpose, and identity,” he said.
College, he continued, creates a unique opportunity for total independence. The pressure to define ourselves often pushes students to rush into relationships or situationships in an attempt to grab onto some kind of identity.
“Either we overshare or we undershare in our relationships,” Fr. Ford said. “And then we get hurt in both cases because really there’s a fear, there’s an insecurity present within us.”
Fr. Ford urged students to guard their hearts because it is “the most precious thing that we have, given to us by God,” he said. “Our hearts are our seat of identity.”
Every person longs to be deeply loved and known, Fr. Ford said, but in the pursuit of this desire, we often settle for very shallow and cheap substitutes. He compared this to choosing the “fast food” of love.
“It kind of looks like love, it’s cheap, it’s easy, it tastes kind of good. But it’s not going to nourish you. It’s not going to nourish you at all. In fact, you’re going to continue to be hungry,” Fr. Ford said.
He warned against using relationships to fill insecurity or to force identity. Our primary identity is in being a son or daughter of God. Exactly as we are.
“You all are enough. Just because you breathe on this earth. You cannot, you literally cannot, do anything to earn God’s love for you. You have it wholly and entirely,” Fr. Ford said. “Your identity, your foundation, is in the fact that you are a beloved son or daughter of God.”
And that all begins with us accepting our true identity and then recognizing that identity in others. We cannot love our neighbors unless we first love ourselves.
The evening concluded with a blessing and a Q&A panel consisting of students and the current resident director of Scholastica Hall.
