Jacob Ryan* could be considered a poster boy for Catholicism. He prays regularly, goes to daily Mass when he can, and is close to his homeschooling family.
However, Ryan says he has struggled with guilt and “feeling like a bad Catholic” for years.
This is because Jacob Ryan, a former BC student, is attracted to men.
“I was first aware of an actual attraction to men when I was 12, but I didn’t actually figure out that it was anything out of the ordinary until I was 15,” Ryan said. “At first, it was just kind of a shock. I was like, ‘Whoa, I am what they call homosexual.’
“I felt like I was a bad Catholic, less of a person, less of a man. I had no way out, because I was afraid of talking to even a priest about it.”
Ryan carried his fears with him to Benedictine. He said he hoped that BC’s Catholic identity would help him uphold his Catholic values and remain chaste.
“From time to time, I would want to give it [chastity] up,” Ryan said. “But what I basically believed, and still do believe, is that what the Catholic Church teaches is the truth.
“People always talk about how many young Catholics go to college and lose their faith. I knew that if it happened to me, it would mean going to the gay lifestyle.”
So, what kind of environment did Benedictine offer him?
What BC knows
Ryan was not Benedictine’s first homosexual student. In fact, psychology professor Adam Buhman-Wiggs says that statistically, it makes sense to assume that homosexual students are currently enrolled.
“Generally speaking [and allowing for fluctuations in data], about three out of every 100 guys will have a truly homosexual orientation. It’s less than one percent for lesbianism,” Buhman-Wiggs said. “Given those numbers, I would fully expect 30, 40, 50 gay males on campus, and probably 10 to 15 lesbians.”
Despite these projected numbers, some students say that homosexuality is treated as an “outside issue” at BC.
Matt Baker*, Ryan’s freshman roommate, said that the “Benedictine bubble” might be partly to blame for this mindset.
“All we get is the hearsay in the papers about legislations or same sex marriage...It becomes so external,” Baker said. “It’s not that we’ve chosen to treat it [homosexuality] like that, it’s just that we are not aware yet.”
How BC helps
Ryan said that while he struggled with his sexual orientation, his time at BC was also marked with remarkable support from his classmates.
“When I told one of my friends about [my sexual orientation], the first thing he said was, ‘you’re still my brother, and this doesn’t change anything.’ That was probably the best thing anyone had ever said to me,” Ryan said.
Dean of Students Joe Wurtz explained that while the college does not offer a club or support group like some larger schools, the administration has and will continue to offer aid to homosexual students.
“We don’t go out looking for students who are struggling with this orientation, rather if they want themselves to be known to us, they’ll come, and we’ll more than gladly put forth an effort to help,” Wurtz said.
The next step
Ryan says he hopes the college will do more to raise awareness of homosexuality.
“I have talked to some students who were very glad to meet a same-sex attracted man who was practicing their faith and living chastely,” Ryan said. “The only homosexuals they knew were living the gay lifestyle and were adamant that it was the only way.”
Baker said he was interested to learn that the Catholic Church distinguishes different levels of homosexual orientation, and has published documents calling for acceptance and care of homosexual individuals.
“I’m just ecstatic that there are church documents supporting that,” Baker said. “I think it’s a good idea that people might know this...Knowledge and experience leads to an understanding.”
Baker added that he views Benedictine’s chance to educate students on chaste homosexuality as a mission for the college.
“We are so ready to take that next step,” he said.
* Pseudonym used because source spoke under condition of anonymity.
