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Love
surrounds us, many different kinds. Friendships, relationships and families
make or break our mental health. However, college throws us into a sea of
uncertainty while we still manage to find ourselves, kind of.
Every relationship is different and a universal answer regarding dating in college has yet to be answered, especially at Benedictine College. Even still, thousands of professionals devote their life to romantic studies.
Annette Szproch wrote an article for elitedaily.com stressing how relationships are different for everyone.
“Society
makes us feel that if we haven’t figured out ourselves by our mid-20s, we have
lived and are continuing to live incorrectly. The majority of us have future
plans and hope to be at a certain point by a certain age, but that isn’t always
the reality of the situation,” Szproch said.
The topic
of romantic relationship and pressure in college was discussed with students on
campus from different walks of life: single, engaged and married.
There was
a common issue towards relationships from the students interviewed.
Margaret McCann is a transfer, senior, currently engaged and expressed this theme.
“The
Benedictine dating culture (or lack thereof) is a fascinating mix of pressure
to find your spouse as quickly as possible, but also pressure to date the one
person God is calling you to marry,” McCann said.
Julia
Lassitner, senior, was married on Aug. 16th. She agrees, focusing
more on the longing women pursue.
“Girls
look around and see all of these happy couples who found their spouse in
college and think “what’s wrong with me? Why haven’t I found that?” Nobody is
making them feel that way,” Lassitner said. “There’s a certain desire and
fulfillment that we all seek to find a significant other, something that a lot
of us rely on way too much, even myself!.”
This stereotype leads with a strong foot forward, towards a lack of casual dating.
Danielle
Fuller, senior, is intentionally single and explains this pressure.
“This is
harsh because it is not exclusive to all walks of life. I think
this pressure also sometimes leads some to the wrong guy due to just needing to
find a guy,” Fuller said. “I honestly sometimes think that this pressure feeds
into our spiritual life.”
McCann
expressed her opinion in a comical and expressive way, most students on campus
can relate to.
“I think
this culture causes men to be afraid to ask a girl on a date, because within 18
hours everyone on campus and their second cousin will know about it and the
wedding date. They aren’t making lists of possible baby names for their first
28 kids,” McCann said.
Disregarding
this stereotype and the effects existing on campus, each person seems to be
content with the situation they have been given.
However, future plans as a college student and their relationship status affect each other.
Being intentionally single was something Fuller pursued when becoming a missionary, but has found much more joy in her freedom received from it.
“I get to
make decisions only between me and the Lord. This is so much easier to follow
the Lords will for my life when I don’t have the noise of pleasing others,”
Fuller said.
From
single status to engaged, McCann receives independence similarly, but finds
delight in her dependence on the man she plans to marry in 2021.
She plans
to continue to teach learning disabled students after college.
“I am
happy with the decisions I have made. That being said with every decision in
life there are roads untaken. I think everyone has ‘what ifs’ in their life.
But I am very confident with my plans for the future,” McCann said.
Lassitner
expressed her decision to marry, even as a senior in college, brings pure
happiness in her life. The decision to sacrifice has influence over everything.
“Let me
repeat: I could not be happier. I’m not living for myself anymore, I’m living
for my spouse; and there is something so much more fulfilling about living for
someone else,” Lassitner said. “Sacrifice makes you so much more
yourself.”
A common
theme for relationships at Benedictine was pressure, but something each of them
received was just the opposite, freedom.
While digging for relationship advice in college, I instead found the unspoken and fearful environment existing at Benedictine, resulting in pressure on both men and women who seek to pursue relationships.
Not only does this pressure exist at Benedictine College, but also from society. We are told about the freedom received from an individualistic point of view, and also feel pressured to get in a romantic relationship. Where do we go?